I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
