Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
