Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
