you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
