im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
