Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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