Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize