who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
