Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
