Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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