Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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