So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
