So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
