While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
