last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
