i was rollin on her like bob the builder
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize