how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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