yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
