When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
