Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
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