I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
