so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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