i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogâs dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a âwater bottleâ. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who youâre talking about.
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