Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My balls are so social today.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
