How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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