I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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