I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So vagazzling was a success
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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