I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
