Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
