It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its not stalking. its research.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
