covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
