So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
