I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
