i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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