I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
