I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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