Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize