I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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