Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think my mom watched the whole time
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize