If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
