I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
