I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
