Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
