I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
