don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
