Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
