we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
