The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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