shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
