there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
