Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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