I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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