Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
