Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
