He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
