haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
