Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
