Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
