ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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