I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
