I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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