I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
