Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude i'm inner monologue high
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
