I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
