can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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