no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
