I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
