a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize