I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
