i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
