if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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