This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
