Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize