and you said cock pushups were impossible
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
