I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
YAS. BRING CRAB.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
