I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
