shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
