the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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