No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The air was thick with penises
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
