hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
