hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
did i just pee glitter
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
