Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize