guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he laminated a picture of his dick.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need a beard to bite.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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