Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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