So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize