There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
