I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
