Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
