I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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