Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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