My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
