I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
