something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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