gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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