Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
