he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize