That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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