Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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