Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Pooping to opera.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize