neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
