He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
