yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
