Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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