Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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