sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize