Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
